All That Matters
by ShadowMayne
Summary: Sam left, and then Dad left. But what mattered more? Dean went to Sam, dad left. These are his thoughts as he came to Stanford. Please R & R…Please? Oneshot.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: "**Sam left, and then Dad left. But what mattered more to me?" Dean when Sam left and his thoughts as he came to Stanford. Please R & R…Please? Oneshot.

It might take a while to get going, but I promise there is some kind of purpose to this…somewhere. :)

**All that Matters**

He is quiet now, resigned from the world as though he's waiting for something big to happen and doesn't want think or breathe until it does.

Maybe that's what he's waiting for, to stop breathing. Sometimes I wonder if he'll ever by the person he was. It's like he's lost again, he doesn't know what his purpose in life is.

Every night I tell him to pick up the phone. He looks at me, his dark circled eyes and blank face. Never really seeing me, never really talking.

He comes with me, does the job and goes home. His old self resurfaces once in while; if only to taunt a demon, annoy a spirit. But when he's a home, he sits in his room. Waiting. Always waiting.

If the phone rings he answers, looking hopeful, only to be disappointed. And every year on his brother's birthday he refuses to hunt. It's his tribute to Sam.

Sometimes I wish Sam would phone, just to see him smile again, to see the smart-alecky hunter again.

Sam's not coming back. When he left, Dean did too.

OoOoOoOoO

He used to watch me. Never acknowledging there was a difference, a gaping hole in our lives, but he knew it was there.

Maybe that's why he left. Because he couldn't take the tension, because it felt like everything was being sucked into that very hole. As though Sam unplugged a giant black hole and slowly, day by day we're being pulled under.

I didn't leave for long, maybe an hour. I told him I was leaving, not noticing him look up with triumph.

I walked to the park and sat, staring at the ground. Sam and I used to come here once. When dad was hunting and I was in charge.

His innocent puppy dog eyes could melt the hearts of any demon. He used to beg me to bring him here.

And every time I did he begged me to play with him, to run around like a child. But ever since the night I carried him out of that house I haven't been a child.

I am a hunter; I stood up for Sammy and obeyed Dad. But it was all pretence. Every night when Sam said we'd be brothers forever or when I promised I'd always be there. It was just a lie.

We were ignoring it all. When I found out Dad was gone I was furious, coming straight here. Straight to Stanford, and immediately regretting it.

Sam is staring at me, and I smirk, I can be me again. Make it look like the past years haven't fazed me.

Finally, I can be me. Finally the black hole is sealing. Dad is gone, but Sam is here, and that all that really matters.

All that ever mattered.

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Ok, I lie; there really wasn't a lot of point to it. Please read and review. They make me happy! No really, they do. Reviews are a handy way to know you are reading and liking. So please, please, please review! Any comment welcome…as long as it comes!

Review and Keep Smilin' :) Deana.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys, I decided to add a little to go with the first chapter, it's not as good because I don't write Sam as much, but it's an effort. (It's also extremely short).

Please review, it would mean a lot. Thanks!

**All That Matters**

When he first came here he was quiet, as though something had been ripped away from him and he had just realised it was never coming back.

I'd sit in the back of class and watch him; maybe I was worried that he didn't really make friends too quickly.

He'd smile a lot, but there was a haunting in his eyes, whenever the lights flickered in the room his expression would change, and his hand would linger over his phone, but he'd think better of it and return to study.

When he first met with me he was happier, and I fell in love.

But every year on his brother's birthday he would stop studying and go out to a bar by himself.

There's something missing from him.

And no matter how hard he tries he can't fill the gap.

But maybe I can.

When we moved in together I thought I did. So did he.

But then someone broke into our house and he was reminded of what he'd walked away from in anger.

He was reminded that his brother had never come before now, that he had come. He was reminded that he could never be normal.

OoOoOoO

She used to take me out, introduce me to friends.

She'd pretend that there wasn't something missing from me, she never knew what, not until it broke into our house.

But then I think she knew.

And I stared at him with loathing. Not for him, but for the life he was going to bring down on me.

And I pushed him away to save myself the pain of seeing his desperate eyes one more time.

I just wanted to be normal, to stay with Jess.

He knew it too, but he needed me just one last time, so in return for the years he protected me I went.

Never knowing it would be the worst mistake of my life.

---- The end ----

Hope you liked it. Please tell me your thoughts!

Keep smilin' :D ShadowMayne


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